Team Building and Collaboration, Part 1

 My hardest goodbye was leaving the group of teachers that I had worked with for nine years. We had grown up together: attended each other’s weddings, met new babies, helped during troubling times. When I decided to leave this school, it was as if I was leaving my extended family. They had all taken such good care of my daughter through the years, and I was extremely sad to not be able to give them the chance to help me raise my son.  We had been there for the best times together, and pulled together when times were tough: not having enough staff, or a director, or experiences with awful parents.

When I left, we cried, hugged, told stories from over the years, and just loved each other. I knew I was making the right choice by leaving the company that I was working for, but leaving the people was the hardest part. The environment was toxic, but my co-workers are what kept me there for so long.

I think the reason this was the hardest was that we had grown together. We knew how to make the school operate without even trying. We were a well-oiled machine.  

My hope after working with people for so long is that we can stay in touch throughout the years. Social media has been extremely helpful in reconnecting with friends and colleagues from the past. Also, our blogs have been helpful in getting to know each other. I would hope that we can continue to be a part of each other’s lives since we have shared so much together.

Adjourning is so important because it is the closing chapter of a book series. We work together and grow together and when finishing, we write our final chapter together and are able to close the back cover of the book. The finality of the experience is there but friendships do not have to end.

Nonviolent Communication and Conflict Management

I love my job. I am confident in my work and I am able to really relate to the teachers that I am working with. As the assistant director of the school, it is my job to intake new families, tour potential families, and assist teachers in their classrooms with issues. I speak to the teachers on the regular and often give messages to them from families that have emailed and from the executive director, with who I share an office. 

Today, I had a disagreement with a teacher because I told her she could leave early! I had previously told three other teachers that they could give breaks to their co-teachers and leave early as numbers were low and I didn't need them for the afternoon. This teacher, our infant lead teacher, began arguing with me in the classroom. I made sure to be positive when I gave her the news (because who doesn't love to leave early on a Friday?!) and I was not met with the reaction that I had expected. She began arguing with me that she did not want to lose her hours and that it wasn't fair to bring in the afternoon teacher early so she would have to leave early. I told her I would see what I could do but didn't make any promises. 

Personally, I hate when teachers argue with me in the classroom. It is extremely disrespectful and inappropriate for the classroom. I have no problem with a teacher coming to me and discussing an issue, but I do not like when they argue in front of the children and other teachers.

After I walked out of the room, I sat in my office and seethed for a few minutes. I had not handled the situation exactly how I should have, as I do not like conflict and I completely shut down.

Later in the morning, the teacher actually came to me to apologize for her reaction. I used skills from NVC expression to explain to her my reasoning for having her leave early. I also explained my feelings about her initial reaction to me. It had upset me and I wanted her to know that it was not an appropriate way for her to react.

I also remembered the requests vs. demands list from CNC. I was able to explain my feelings and her reaction. In the end, we hugged after our conversation and there were never any hard feelings from either of us. Perception is reality and going back to what we learned about in weeks prior about the platinum rule, I had to treat her the way that she wanted to be treated. 

My final thought is, would you have done anything differently? 

Who I am as a Communicator

 This week, I've learned a lot about my communication style. Based on the Communication Anxiety Inventory quiz that I took about myself, my score indicates that I have "situational" anxiety. I feel that this is extremely true about me. When I am comfortable and in my element, I am extremely comfortable with communicating with others. When I am unsure or doubting myself, I do tend to freeze up and have extreme anxiety. My throat gets tight, my mouth goes dry, I start to sweat. 

My colleagues that took these quizzes about me also agreed with me. My score from one was mild, that I tend to be uneasy in some situations, and confident in others. This also rings true for me. The other colleague's quiz estimated the same result as myself. How interesting that the people around me know me as well as they do. That is my first insight. I am allowing myself to be readable by the people around me. I am learning that I might need to cover up my feelings a little better because the people around me can see that I am nervous and scared and anxious. 

If I want to continue to grow in this field, I will need to become more confident in socially and work related communicative situations. 

A second insight that I realized about myself is that I am truly people oriented with my listening style. Both my colleagues and myself all scored me in the People-oriented category. I do tend to care about the emotions of others. I love people and I guess I could be considered a people pleaser. I care about what people think of me. Even going through my divorce, I am worried about how my estranged husband will feel about me when everything is finalized. It shouldn't matter in this situation, but because I care so much, it does. 

As we continue to move through this course, I hope that I can continue to learn more about myself and my communication style so I can better myself for the future.